Tuesday, June 12, 2007

reward post 1: where have i been?

what joy! four people looked at my blog the day i posted! i'm so touched. so, as promised, i'll post a new entry for the next three days.

the first is an update on the past few months, which have been filled with a lot of internal indecision and bit of angst. but let's do the external stuff first.

tony and i decided this winter to look for a new apartment, and after a month of searching, we've finally found one here. it's pretty deluxe, with a lot of amenities that we haven't had in a long time (or ever)... dishwasher, in-unit laundry, underground parking (no snow!), heated indoor pool (year round, which is amazing for the state with the shortest pool season ever), and, finally, a huge kitchen. whoohoo! but the best part... i can get another dog (up to 35 pounds). i can't wait. i'll admit that i've already started checking out the petfinder.com, even though it will be a few more months yet.

work, as always, has been fairly crazy. it always amazes me how i can be so busy and so bored at the same time. it makes my indecision about school and my future that much worse.

i guess now that i've mentioned it, i should talk about my future plans--or lack of plans. many of you know that i've been thinking about going to grad school for a few years now, probably to study coastal geomorphology/coastal managment. but i haven't applied. it will be two years this fall since i took the GRE. i don't know why i can't find the motivation to go back... maybe i'm not ready for another stint at school. maybe i'm afraid that after another bunch years of time and a pile of money, i'll still won't be happy with where i end up. maybe i still don't know what will make me happy.

for a long time, i've believed that since i didn't intend on having children (at least none of my own), my job would be the thing that would feed and sustain me. it would be something meaningful, interesting, productive, fulfilling. but i haven't found that yet. now i wonder if it's possible for me. maybe my joy and my purpose will come from something other than my job.

the other thing that i've been searching for is home. a place that i love. a city that keeps me interested and intrigued, but that is comforting and familiar. i loved st. louis, and i wish that it was on a coast, because it would be perfect. so part of me thinks that i should just move to a city that i want to live in, and see what happens.

so what do you think, dear readers? do you have any thoughts on what might make me happy? can you offer any advice on how i might make this decision? are there any alternate paths or explorations that i haven't thought of?


Erin said...

The best way for me to come to a decision about a major change in my life is to sit and think on it, in total silence, for hours. It may take me 15 hours, but uninterrupted thought usually produces the most honest and happiest results for me. I start by thinking about a time that I remember being completely happy, and then try to apply that to who I am now and the decision before me. Then, I map out a plan in my mind -- step by step -- of how I want to get to that same sort of blissful happiness in the present. It sounds completely goofy and new-age when I type it out, but that's how it works for me. I also find that when I get off track of my decided goal that I need to go back and do the process again to either remind myself of how I came to the decision or to realize that I need more reflection and planning before I can advance.

eben said...

damnit woman, just move to nyc. it's exactly like st louis, but on the coast. see? perfect.

hmm, this is number two comment, one more and we get another jb post. bring it people! bring it!

Dean said...

I'm not really the right one to advise anyone on how to have a fulfilling and lucrative career that you love, but I am formulating a plan that should give me the money and freedom to try some new things. All I need now to make it work is a getaway driver, a safe cracker, and a "muscle." Pick a position and it's yours.